Days away from China...

The 20 Annoying Workplace Habits You Need to Break Now


1. Winning too much: The need to win at all costs and in all situations -- when it matters, when it doesn't, and when it's totally beside the point.

2. Adding too much value: The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion.

3. Passing judgment: The need to rate others and impose our standards on them.

4. Making destructive comments: The needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty.

5. Starting with "No," "But," or "However": The overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly say to everyone, "I'm right. You're wrong."

6. Telling the world how smart we are: The need to show people we're smarter than they think we are.

7. Speaking when angry: Using emotional volatility as a management tool.

8. Negativity, or "Let me explain why that won't work": The need to share our negative thoughts even when we weren't asked.

9. Withholding information: The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others.

10. Failing to give proper recognition: The inability to praise and reward.

11. Claiming credit that we don't deserve: The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success.

12. Making excuses: The need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it.

13. Clinging to the past: The need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past; a subset of blaming everyone else.

14. Playing favorites: Failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly.

15. Refusing to express regret: The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we're wrong, or recognize how our actions affect others.

16. Not listening: The most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.

17. Failing to express gratitude: The most basic form of bad manners.

18. Punishing the messenger: The misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help us.

19. Passing the buck: The need to blame everyone but ourselves.

20. An excessive need to be "me": Exalting our faults as virtues simply because they're who we are.

中文：

许多人每天都会做出令人讨厌的行为，他们并非是沟通技能上的缺陷，也不是无法改变的性格障碍；但这些恶习不是发生在真空中的，只有当人与人之间进行互动的时候，你才能体会到这些行为所带来的影响。培训师Marshall总结了人们在工作生活常见的20种恶习，不妨来对照一下，您占了几席？每个人都自己克服恶习的独特方法，如果您有过成功经验，欢迎一起来分享探讨。

　　
常见的20个恶习，你占了几个？

　　以下是Marshall(全球高级领导者教练领域的先驱与权威)总结的在工作生活中常见20个恶习，具体来说，这些行为包括：

　　● 求胜欲太强：在任何情况下都要不惜一切代价去打败对方，无论这样做是否值得。

　　● 太喜欢增加价值: 每次讨论的时候总要发表一番自己的高见。

　　● 太喜欢点评：总是要对别人的说法评论一番，把自己的标准强加于人。

　　● 总是发表破坏性评论：总是为了让自己的言语听起来更深刻、更诙谐而说出一些不必要的讥讽之语。

　　● 喜欢用“不”“但是”或“可是”来开头：过多地使用否定式过渡语，实际上是在告诉对方，“你错了，我才是对的”。

　　● 告诉世界你有多聪明：总是要告诉周围的人我比他们想象的更聪明。

　　● 乱发脾气：经常在愤怒的时候跟人沟通，把情绪上的波动不加约束地传导出去。

　　● 负面思维，比如“让我来告诉你这样做为什么不行”：总是要用自己的负面思维去影响周围的人—即使是在毫无必要的时候。

　　● 隐瞒信息：为了让自己占有一定的心理优势而拒绝跟别人分享信息。

　　● 不懂得表示认可：不懂得表扬或奖励别人。

　　● 喜欢抢功：总是过于高估自己在某项工作中的作用。这是最让人厌恶的一种恶习。

　　● 总是喜欢找借口：总是把自己的坏习惯归结为某种无法改变的原因，以此来为自己的行为开脱。

　　● 把一切都归咎于过去：总是把自己的失误或缺点归咎于以往的人或事。其实是在为自己的过失寻找替罪羊。

　　● 偏袒下属：不能公正地对待自己周围的人。

　　● 拒绝道歉：拒绝为自己的行为承担责任，拒绝承认错误，不承认自己的行为影响到了其他人。

　　● 不懂得聆听：对同事最不礼貌的一种表现。

　　● 不懂得感激：最缺乏礼貌的一种坏习惯。

　　● 惩罚报信人：错误地攻击那些本来想要帮助你的人。

　　● 乱找替罪羊：总是把自己的过失推到其他人头上。

　　● 过于强调自我：把自己身上那些无法改正的缺点看成是一种美德，总是强调“我就是这样一个人”。

　　或许尼科洛 · 马基雅维利会把这些坏习惯看成是一种美德，并告诉人们该如何利用这些恶习来打败对手。但作者显然不这么认为。

　　值得庆幸的是，这些恶习很少会同时出现在一个人身上。更让人高兴的是，这些恶习大都非常容易克服。举个例子，要想克服“不懂得感激”的恶习，你只要记得经常说“谢谢你”就可以了；要想克服“不会道歉”的恶习，你只要记得经常说“对不起，下次我会做得更好”就可以了；等等。这些方法看起来非常简单，它就像系鞋带、骑自行车，或者其他类似的生活技巧那样简单。可即便如此，我们还是会对生活中可以用到这些技巧的机会视而不见，以致慢慢变得生疏。


作者：Marshall Goldsmith
本文来自《Knowledge at Wharton》，由《纽约时报》和Grand China Publishing House提供中文简体字版权，发布于《经理人》2009年第5期。

系主任广播了一份email，介绍了今年新招的助理教授。说收到400多份申请，面试了12个人，录用了4个，4个人全部接受了offer。在经济危机肆虐的年头还如此招兵买马，看来真如传说中所说的，不差钱。

前面说到那位用信号处理方法做数据分析的，果然被录用了。

此外还猜中一位，Berkeley毕业的Prabal Dutta。这位大侠研究的无线传感网虽然快火过时了，但他的论文很多很牛，而且推荐人阵容相当强大：Scott Shenker, Ion Stoica, David Culler....都是在SIGCOMM之类的牛会上灌水的主。所以Dutta面试的时候，我和新加坡超人打赌说这人肯定会被录用。

Dutta大侠来之后，系里终于多了个做无线网络的教授；希望今后能有机会向他请教。

K同学问MSN签名档里挂了很久的一句话，"Halcyon days always with me"，是什么意思。

Halcyon days意为简单平静质朴的生活。这个词是从Weifei那里学到的。他的blog中对此有更好的诠释：

“Halcyon Days, 应该是对我在361 Euclid三年多生活最简单确切的概括吧。总体上稳定、波澜不惊的日子伴随的是简单朴质的生活和学业上难得的专注，平谈却很让人回味。毫无疑问，在未来相当长的一段时间内，从另一个地方，重新开始，这样的生活还将是我所向往的。”

Weifei马上就要到MIT读Ph.D.了。和一位本科小朋友说到“住一起两年的室友去了MIT"，感觉很骄傲，而听者眼里也满是崇拜，问怎么去的怎么去的。我就把这篇文章发给他。

简单平静质朴的生活，也是我所向往的。即使有一天“结庐在人境”，也希望能找到一片境地，“而无车马喧”。无疑，这样的境地，最好是一种心境。这样，走到哪里，都可以找到简单和质朴。

很早以前就看过的一段话。印象最深的是“每周工作7天，每天工作16个小时”---怎一个牛字了得。

 跨入博士生的门槛后，李开复建议，要给自己设计一个3年的学习和科研计划。

       首先，需要彻底地了解在相关领域他人已有的工作和成绩，然后再提出自己的想法和见解，脚踏实地工作。另外，还要不断跟踪这个领域的最新研究进展，把握好方向，避免重复性工作，把精力集中在最有价值的研究方向上。李开复说，他至今还记得在他进入卡内基梅隆大学攻读计算机博士学位时，当时的系主任说的话：“当你拿到你的博士学位时，你应该成为你所从事的研究领域里世界第一的专家。” 这样的要求似乎对大多数刚刚起步的人来说都是高不可攀的，可李开复说，他本人正是确立了这样的目标，在经过五年寒窗、夜以继日的努力工作后，他所期待的结果就自然而然地出现了。

        一个打算攻读博士学位的人，就应该给自己树立一个很高的目标。李开复想告诫博士生：读博士不是一件轻松的事，切忌浮躁的情绪，而要一步一个脚印，扎扎实实地工作。也不可受一些稍纵即逝的名利的诱惑，而要200％地投入。也许你会疲劳，会懊悔，会迷失方向，但是要记住，你所期待的成功和突破也正孕育其中。李开复回忆说，他在攻读博士学位时，每周工作7天，每天工作16个小时，大量的统计结果和分析报告几乎让人崩溃。他也曾不止一次地怀疑自己的所作所为是否真的能够成功，但终于有一天，在凌晨3时做出的一个结果让他感受到了成功的滋味。 “那种一切都很顺利，谁都可以得到的工作和结果，我相信研究价值一定不高。”李开复说，另外，一个人如果打算一辈子从事研究工作。

        那么从他在读博士学位期间所形成的做事习惯、研究方法和思维方式，基本上就可以判断出他未来工作的轮廓。所以，你一定要做一个“有心人”，充分利用在校的时间，为自己的将来打好基础。

摘自牛人周涛的博客。

苏珊·朗格在《哲学新视野》一书中说：“某些观念有时会以惊人的力量给知识状况带来巨大的冲击。由于这些观念能一下子解决许多问题，所以，它们似乎将有希望解决所有基本问题，澄清所有不明了的疑点。每个人都迅速抓住它们，作为进入某种新实证科学的法宝，作为可以用来建构一个综合分析体系的概念轴心。这种‘宏大概念’突然流行起来，一时间把几乎所有的东西都挤到一边。”苏珊·朗格认为，这是由于“所有敏感而活跃的人都立即致力于对它进行开发这个事实造成的”。

前几年在遗传算法、神经网络、混沌分形等红极一时的时候，我们身边也出现了很多追赶风潮的“时髦之作”，这些工作大多都是一些牵强的应用，对于相应领域的发展毫无裨益，反而浪费了很多学者宝贵的时间。我在此为复杂网络的研究稍微泼一点冷水，只是不希望它也成为这类“宏大概念”或“万能钥匙”中的一员。面对复杂网络这样一个内涵深广的概念，我们应该表现出科学家特有的冷静的兴奋。人类学家吉尔兹在其著作《文化的解释》中曾给出了一个朴素而冷静的劝说：“试图在可以应用、可以拓展的地方，应用它、拓展它；在不能应用、不能拓展的地方，就停下来。”我想，这应该是所有科学家面对一个新领域时应有的态度。

From: http://www.cs.utexas.edu/~dahlin/advice.html
1) Simplicity:
... all successful projects have a painful middle stage when you get your neat ideas working... ..forcing yourself to finish is how you learn to avoid too complicated ideas.
2) Performance:
Go top-down. For all of the above, could measure, model, simulate, build everything, but apply 90-10 rule instead -- get 90% of the information you need, with 10% of the effort.
3) Coding:
...don't overgeneralize...
5) Stay broad:
... Breakthroughs often occur when people can cross traditional boundaries: compilers and architecture, graphics and VLSI, etc.

“只问耕耘，不问收获”应该是一种宏观状态。对于短期的，以小时或天为单位的目标，“只问收获”最好，否则很容易陷入一种“貌似耕耘”的状态，导致一味拖沓时间却没做任何实质性的工作。

因为暑假里任务相对少一些，组里一位同学组织了Happy Hour，就是每周聚在一起吃饭聊天。这周是第一次。通知发出去之后，BOSS1居然也积极报名响应，但最后因为有事缺席。不过大家都说BOSS1没来，少一些拘谨，happy hour就更happy了呵呵。

这次的Happy hour是在中校区一个意大利烙饼店。中校区和工程学院所在的北校区相比更像个充满活力的小城镇。虽然是假期，还是人来人往，很热闹的样子。相比之下，北校区倒像是一个废弃的古城。不过，既然尽心科研是生活的常态，还是北校区更好一些。学校把工程学院放在偏僻的北校区，是不是也考虑到远离喧嚣适合科研？

最初读到用近似算法解决问题的论文时，很难理解其意义所在--比如把近似程度从2.1提高到2.2，这么不起眼的进步，竟然也能写成一篇牛论文。后来读了一篇综述，终于豁然开朗：提高近似度的意义有时并不在于结果更好，而在于让人们对“问题的纹理”有了新的理解。尽管2.2 比起2.1，效率上的进步可以忽略，但2.2很可能挖掘了原有问题中没有的信息，然后创造出非传统的解法；后来人可以顺着这个纹理，继续深入挖掘，从而跨出前所未有的一大步。

读了《Thread of the Silkworm》。这是张纯如写的一本关于钱学森的传记，着重于他从出生（1911）到1955年归国之间的事。一个人的40多年，压缩成200多页的文字之后，凸现的是棱角分明的个性和跌宕起伏的人生。

在这本书中，钱学森是一个性格古板孤僻、不尽人情的科学家形象。在Caltech读博士期间，极少和别人说话。直到当了Caltech的教授，还是如此。他讲课时先说一句"Let's start with..."，然后便一言不发开始在黑板上推公式。中间如果有人提问但深度不够他也拒绝回答。在讨论班，如果主讲人出错，他会毫不客气直截了当地批评一通。他在办公室考虑问题的时候，不管谁敲门，都直接赶走：“Go away!”。

这样的教授，如果放在现在，估计隔几天就会被骂到学校bbs的十大。但是在钱的学术成就面前，这些问题就不值一提了--牛人就是应该有点个性嘛。

书中多次突出了钱学森超强的数学功底 --- 比如有一门数学课给分很低，一帮学生要找老师加分；但是他们看到钱的试卷之后傻眼了---几乎满分的试卷，用钢笔写的，没有丝毫涂改痕迹。对于导师冯.卡曼提出的问题，他总是能很快建立模型，给出解法。书中引用了冯.卡曼对他的评价：
...in Karman's autobiography, The Wind and Beyond, Tsien was the only student he devoted an entire chapter. As Karman wrote: He worked with me on many mathematical problems. I found him to be imaginative, with a mathematical aptitude to which he combined successfully with the great ability to visualize accurately the physical picture of natural. Even as a young student he helped dear up some of my own ideas on difficult topics. These are gifts which I had not often encountered and we became close colleagues

这样的功底是怎样练成的呢？他的同学的评价，或许只是冰山一角：
Chang remembered: Tsien and I were very close friends, He was a very quiet man, very conservative He never showed emotions about politics... Sometimes we worked so hard that after dinner we just went back to the office. And sometimes I left a little earlier left before midnight. He wouldn't stop, however. Even after midnight his room was still bright...

还有一个流传很广的故事：放假期间，某学生以为周围没人，就在实验室放音乐；结果隔壁传来重重的敲墙壁的声音---原来钱学森一直在实验室。

还有他在Caltech的同事的回忆：
Edelman also wrote: I recall going to see him one day ...Tsien answered, "I get up each morning and do the best work I can do that day no matter what the subject matter is, and when I put my head on my pillow and I feel that I have done a good day's work, that's an end in itself. I am happy"。 Although fifty years has passed, I will always remember Tsien for that. Perhaps no teacher ever taught a more valuable lesson than that. 


读这本书的一大感慨就是作者能把一个做理论的人的研究课题讲的非常清晰，对于他的思考方法也理解得相当透彻---尽管作者无法采访钱本人。仅举两个小例子：
Though Tsien lacked Karman's charisma, he made a concerted effort to imitate the elderly professors style of mentorship. ... They would discuss a problem and Karman would say, well, its very complicated, but why don't we emphasize this or emphasize that and see if we can simplify the thing. That's exactly the way that Tsien would then work with his students. Take a very complicated thing and try to reduce it to the basic elements."

...In his speeches, Tsien urged young engineering students to think of themselves as scientists rather than high-paid technicians. He advised them to take courses not only in engineering but also in mathematics, chemistry, and physics. "The training of a competent engineering scientist. Tsien said, is a long process that takes seven or eight years of education after high school:...The unhurried academic atmosphere in an educational institution is certainly conducive to thinking, which is, after all, the only way to gain wisdom."...his words to young Chinese scholars seemed to be those of a mentor looking back on all that had been given to him. Clearly Tsien was ready to give something back, but it was only in his return to China that he thought he had found worthy recipients.

对于钱学森的个人成就，作者认为时代与环境的作用不可忽视，正如她在序言中写的：
Many believe that as talented as Tsien was as a theoretician, he would be remembered primarily for his leadership in China rather than for his scientific work in the United States, "He didn't see as far-anywhere near as far-as von Karman did, or Einstein did, or Teller did, or any of those other people who are greats," said Tsien's friend Martm Summerfield, a former aeronautics professor at Princeton University "He didn't see in the same sense as they did, He would carry out their calculations. be their arms and legs, but not be the mastermind, I think what he took with him was this ability to reproduce, To reproduce what they have produced."

Guyford Stever, Tsien's former colleague at MIT, echoed the same belief: "His contribution to the United States was good but not overwhelming, His contribution to the People's Republic of Chma sounds like it was amazingly great.".


写到这里，发现这个帖子不是读后感，而变书摘了。那么就顺其自然，再摘录钱1947年回国访问期间的一个小故事。这个故事告诉我们：对于投paper、交proposal等等之类由别人来做最终评判的事，一定要有耐心，切不可因为几次被拒就丧失勇气。:P
Unfortunately, the art of courtship did not come easily for Tsien. In his usual blunt manner, he said to Ying: "How about it? Will you go with me?" Ying, hoping for something more romantic and also reluctant to be again separated from her family, rejected him. A few days later, Tsien made a second attempt, as direct as the first: "How about it? Have you thought it over? Let's get married.  Will you go?“ 

Tsien had already made up his mind that it would be Ying or nobody-if she spurned him, he would remain single for the rest of his life. Ying recognized his earnestness to this matter and finally accepted his proposal...